This guy is in line

This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is stunned that such a hottie would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?" She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!" His mind remembers back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful to his wife, "Christ!" he says, "Are you that stripper at my bachelor party I had on the pool table in front of all my friends, while your partner whipped me with wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?" "No" she coldly replied, "I'm your son's English Teacher."

Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven. At the gates, St. Peter greets Ford, and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention . . . the assembly line for the automobile . . . changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven that you want." Ford thinks a minute, then says, "I want to hang out with God himself." So the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?" God asks, "What do you mean?" "Well," says Ford, " you have some major design flaws in your invention. 1. There's too much front end protrusion. 2. It chatters way too much at high speeds. 3. Maintenance is extremely high. 4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing. 5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of every 28 days. 6. The rear end wobbles too much. 7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust. 8. The headlights are usually too small. 9. Fuel consumption is outrageous - - Just to name a few" "Hmmmm. . ." replies God. "Hold on a minute." God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time, the computer prints out a report, and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, " It may be that my invention is flawed. But according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours!"

Not Since 1955!

A crusty old U.S. Army Sargeant found himself at a gala
event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies
in attendance, one of whom approached the Sargeant for
conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, Sir, but you seem to be a very serious
man. Are you this way all the time, or is something
bothering you?"

"No," the Sargeant said, "Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and
said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

The Sargeant's short reply was, "Yes, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation,
said, "You know, you should lighten up a little-- relax and
enjoy yourself."

The Sargeant just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't
take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had
sex?"

The Sargeant looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well, that's the hang-up-- you need to chill out
and quit taking everything so seriously. I mean, no sex
since 1955! Isn't that a little extreme?"

The Sargeant, glancing at his watch, said in his
matter-of-fact voice, "Oh, I don't know. It's only 2130
now."

YDD- Undiscovered Country

YDD-Keeping Faith In America!

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